Blaming others is the situation where we can be defined as holding others responsible for our misfortunes. Some people cast their dysfunctional parents, negative relationships, socio-economic disadvantages, or other life hardships as the reason for their unhappiness and lack of success.
There is no doubt that there are lot of difficulties in life, undeniable the pain and suffering they often cause but to blame others as the reason for one’s unhappiness is to cast oneself in the role of the victim. We live in a “Self Serving” situation wherein where in we are always biased on us. If something good happens then the credit comes to us automatically but if we fail then there are lot of things to blame upon except us, circumstances, people and others things.
There are illusory advantages to victimhood, as finger-pointing provides convenient justification for life’s unsatisfactory conditions, and sheds the work necessary to take complete charge of one’s own life and well-being. However, habitual blaming over time perpetuates bitterness, resentment, and powerlessness, as the victim suffers.
Often, those who are the target of your blame have no idea (or could care less) about how you really feel. You only hurt yourself by being a prisoner of your own bitterness and resentment. Your feelings may be justified, but they will not help you become happy, healthy, and successful. Ultimately, isn’t that what you really want?
So, why should we stop blaming others, there are 10 reasons for the same.
10 reasons for not to blame others
1. Not owning means you cannot change.
Now, if we start blaming others or circumstances for all the failure or the hurt that we get in life, then it means we are running away from the real reason for such situation. Not getting in line with the real reason means we are not going to change the situation and more failure means more blaming and hence a vicious circle is created.
2. Blaming others is unproductive.
The easiest thing that we do is to blame others but does it have some output from doing so. Say, you are right that the reason of your failure is that because of some circumstances or because of some another person. In either of the reason is it going to bring any change in the result now or in future by blaming the situation or the person. No, it is not going to bring any change. If it is going to change that person, its hardly no. So what can change, own up the responsibility and conduct a productive evaluation, you can really change.
3. Blaming affects Healthy relationship.
Blame sidesteps healthy communication, which relationships need to thrive, it’s not surprising that if you are a blamer it’s likely you don’t have strong relationships with others. Blaming others is a way of putting people down so naturally it is also a great way to instead push people away, or create a dangerous environment where there is no trust and the other person can’t relax as they always feel judged and devalued.
4. Blaming is Contagious
Blame has been found by a recent study to be contagious. If you blame, those around you are more likely to then turn and blame others for things. In other words, you are spreading the tendency to avoid responsibility to those around you, both at work and at home. Think about the implications that brings, especially if you have young children or are in a position of leadership where others look up to you
5. Blaming affects your personal growth.
Blame is a defence. And spending time constantly defending ourselves is really a part-time job that also leaves us shut down to what others have to offer us in terms of lessons and growth.
6. Blaming affect your power.
By making everything everyone else’s fault you are actually making yourself powerless. Think about it – if everything is someone else’s fault, then that means you don’t have the power to change anything, as they have the reins.
7. Blames makes people stops listening to you.
If you have the tendency to blame others for all your failure, then there comes a time when people stops listening to you. A time comes, when we become The Boy Who Cried Wolf. Soon, no one cares what we have to say because nothing ever changes.
8. Blaming makes people stops caring for you.
Compassion fatigue. When bad things happen, we feel for the people it happened to. But when the same person keeps blaming others for every bad thing that happens, instead of stepping up and taking responsibility, it becomes hard to care anymore.
9. Not All “Failure” Is Failure.
One have to believe that all failure is not always a real failure. We have to believe that all success are not meant for all and that it gives us an opportunity to learn and fight for success. Instead, if we blame others then there is no way to learn from it.
10. Blames makes you loose empathy.
If you use blame to avoid accountability, you are also avoiding speaking truthfully about how you feel and accepting and listening to how others feel. Constantly sidestepping this powerful, vulnerable process of negotiating and communicating means you are not likely to develop empathy for others. In fact research shows that it’s narcissists, with their self-obsessed attributes, who are prone to blame more than others.